Words that Change Minds: Mastering the Language of Influence

by Shelle Rose Charvet

Edition: Paper Back Book (221 pages)
Price: $24.97 US

..... or click here for the e-book

Words that Change Minds is a remarkable book. Shelle illustrates, in clear language, those factors that will motivate people. She demonstrates how to communicate, how to sell, how to manage, all the while respecting people at a deep level. Her examples, often highly amusing, will allow you to recognize those around you, AND to know what to do about them."

- Jack Canfield, co-author of Chicken Soup for the Soul

Here's how one person got what she wanted from Words that Change Minds.

Communication problems with her boss

"I need to find a new job right away," she said. "I can't stand my boss and I heard that you do career profiles." About halfway through the feedback on the career profile she called a halt to the whole process. "Oh my God," she said, "My boss and I are obstinate in exactly the same way! We are constantly arguing. Neither of us will budge from our positions. No wonder we haven't been getting along!"

"Can you show me how to communicate with him?" I taught her the exact language to use and avoid. Within two months she called to tell me of a major promotion she had just received. Today she is one of the highest ranking women in her sector in the country.

Poor communication is today's number one problem at work, at home and in the world at large.

Discords among people are frequent: from annoyances such as too much email, 20 minute phone messages, to life long parent-child resentments, and intractable conflicts between nations. Finding solutions to communication problems has been the focus of much study and the creation of many models.

The Problem with Psycho-Metric Assessments

Many psycho-metric assessments have been created to explain the differences between people which cause communication problems. These assessments often require sophisticated computerized instruments to administer. Even then, many of them only allow a few very specialized applications. Or worse, some stick people in boxes with labels, like round pegs into square holes. Often they do not recognize people's inherent flexibility to shift thinking and behavior as situations change. It is not surprising that a great many individuals, while fascinated by questionnaires, tend to discount the sweeping generalizations that these instruments produce. People often prefer to rely solely on their intuition and gut feelings to make critical decisions such as hiring or choosing a spouse. I once told a CEO that if he hired his executive vice-president because he liked the person, he would be in big trouble. The last thing he needed was to recruit someone who thought just like he did.

People Communicate Using Their Own Filters, Identity, Beliefs and Values

It is well-known that people communicate through a set of filters shaped by history, sense of identity, beliefs about what is true, and their values about what is right, as well as perceptions and interpretations of what is going on. When someone else communicates with us, we squeeze the message through our own personal filtering system to understand.

We now know that, beyond these differences; each of us also has unique ways of thinking, processing and getting motivated. We pay attention to various aspects of reality, based on how we individually use our brains. Some of us think in detailed linear sequences, while others prefer to envision a larger whole. Some people are attracted to those things which are different and new, while others attend to what is the same or similar to what they already know.

But what if you could really understand what someone means when he or she talks to you? Even better, what if you could predict someone's behavior based simply on what they said? Best of all -- what if you could influence that behavior by how you responded?

I investigated the field to find some answers to these complex questions of understanding, communicating and influencing. I wanted to avoid facile solutions. Any good theory must be well-founded and verifiable by personal experience. It would also be applicable for a wide range of human activities, respectful of individual people and their differences, and learnable without a doctorate or engineering degree. Above all, it would have to improve communication between people.

Neuro-linguistic ... What?

While teaching communication seminars in Europe, I started to hear about some interesting work that came from California. I began to explore an approach called Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP). In spite of its techno-babble name, it seemed to be designed to reach into people's minds and discover how specifically each person is unique. It was based on studying some of the great communicators and therapists of our time. NLP examined how they were able to accomplish what they did, without the usual investigation into the reasons why people have problems. It was about learning strategies that work, not about scrutinizing the failures that people experience.

The Results Were Remarkable; Rapport, Changing Beliefs, Influencing

I wanted to find out if these people were onto something. I took some in-depth courses and began to test their techniques in my work. The results were remarkable. I learned how to create rapport with anyone, to change beliefs that had been limiting me, and to help others do the same.

Being a doubting Thomas, I liked the requirement that every intervention be tested for possible negative consequences prior to being completed with a person. If someone were actually to let go of the belief that rainy days make them sick, a practitioner would have to check first if getting sick on rainy days had some positive benefits that needed to be met in some other healthier way for the person, before helping them replace the belief.

The Most Incredible Influencing Tool

I encountered The Language and Behavior (LAB) Profile, a tool developed from NLP that completely changed the way I communicate. It is both rigorous and flexible. It can be woven naturally into casual conversation. I have spent the years since then exploring its uses in a wide range of contexts. I have used it to:

  • create powerful presentations for large groups of people
  • redesign marketing and sales processes to help companies successfully reach their major customers
  • attract and select only the right candidates for key executive positions
  • help clients I coached and counselled
  • create irresistible influencing language for teenagers, and
  • help organizations dramatically improve their communication about change with their own people.

While this tool has been widely taught, it had been treated as an abstract theory about the differences between people. I kept finding new ways of applying it and getting dramatic results. I wondered why no one had written a book on all the things you could do with it, provided you took the time to master the skill.

This book is the result of testing it out with me and with my clients.

Words That Change Minds will teach you how to:

  • establish a deep level of rapport and communicate effectively with anyone
  • take the pain out of implementing organizational change
  • shorten the sales cycle and guarantee customer satisfaction
  • design powerful marketing and advertising campaigns
  • hire people who are motivated to perform
  • dramatically improve results in negotiation and litigation
  • adapt training and education programs to satisfy diverse needs
  • increase self-knowledge and self-esteem
  • simplify career counselling and professional coaching
  • create high performance teams by managing peoples' strengths instead of suffering from their weaknesses

If this looks like a book you could use, give it a try!

Minutes after I had begun to read Words that Change Minds., I found something of practical value to me in what I was doing right then. That's the kind of book it is - a compendium of practical applications to help you communicate with and manage people. We're all different, but when our differences are understood and catered to, most problems can be solved elegantly. I strongly recommend this book to anyone who really cares about other people and how they think."

- Peter Kline, co-author of Ten Steps to a Learning Organization

Words That Change Minds gave me a level of awareness and precision in communication that I did not think was possible. I used to get frustrated when I worked with others who had different communication patterns than my own. Now, I get curious. What a breakthrough!"

- Clay Conner, Strategic Planning Analyst, Idaho Power, Boise, Idaho

Edition: Paper Back Book (221 pages)
Price: $24.97 US

.......or click here for the e-book

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